justinibiebers:

stuff you ask your mom:

• mom where’s my towel
• mom what do we eat for dinner
• mom what time is it
• mom where’s my phone
• mom when do you come back
• mom what day is it

stuff you ask your dad

• dad where is mom

allisonthenerdmachine:

On a scale of 1 to the War of the Worlds broadcast how misunderstood is your joke.

nighthooker:

scream the quadratic formula when reaching climax 

sluteverbabe:

arseniccupcakes:

boyhands:

i want to start a girl gang but not the cute rookie kind i mean like a real mob-type gang where we put hits on powerful men and fix sports games and run a black market of sex toys and stolen valentino dresses

sign me up

im in

My dad says I’m a waste, that I do nothing and am nothing.
My mom says I’m a useless piece of shit.

I’m guessing they want me to move out soon?

rangerhitomi:

nicolasiscaged:

“420 blaze it” i whisper to myself as i set 420 acres of forest on fire